Cloud

Still sick. I'm at the point where the frustration is really starting to get to me. Nothing feels satisfying at this point. Basically, I'm bored, and unable to do much of anything about it because all of the things I'd like to be doing, I still can't quite do. This is usually the final stage of sickness which means tomorrow I should be so much better and back at the world with a passion.

I'm sick. I don't think I'm writing today. We'll see.

Word count from yesterday: 1468

Yesterday I wrote 2146.

Today, I'm feeling a bit grumpy, so we'll see how much I get done. I don't write well when I'm in a bad mood. I mostly just stew and fume and snap off on everyone in the house who gets in my way. Not good things, I know. There might be some hope of recovering, but I desperately need to be alone in order for that to happen.

Chances of that happening today are slim, though.

Zero words yesterday as predicted. Zero words will be for today too. I'm just too busy today to make it happen, so I'm going to continue to focus on the busy moments, savoring the family, and then doing some stuff for me. I've reworked my schedule to get everything done on time. Don't worry!

Word Count: 1618

Yesterday was harder than I thought it would be. I think a lot of that had to do with my over exerting myself physically. I over estimated the amount of movement I could do with my injury. Although, my injured foot does feel a lot better today, so perhaps I needed that moment of extra strengthening? I'm not going to ponder on it too long, and keep taking it one step at a time. Literally! Today, I've been slowly working on it. Making sure to take decent walking breaks every hour. Five to ten minutes at a time.

Writing might be a little harder for me today. Overall, I'm feeling good, but creativity is slow coming. That being said, I haven't started working just yet. Once I start working, it'll flow quick. I honestly think the hardest part about writing is the part where you have to jump start your brain and begin. It's like taking the first step onto the track for a run, or hoping your car starts after it's been dead for a while. It's lighting a fire. Once those things start, you're good.

Should be a good day today, though. The stress level is down. Tomorrow will be equally as good, I think. The only plans I have to leave the house are grocery shopping, so I can dive in and just get it done. The weekend is going to be busy busy, so I kind of have to!

I did no writing yesterday. I'm frustrated by that, but I was too pooped. I got too much sun, and I spent too much of my mental energy.

I slept until noon today. Maybe now I can get stuff done this afternoon. I feel refreshed but incredibly slow. I have a feeling once I start, it'll just all come out, though. I will not panic!

Word count for the day was 267.

Yesterday was a busy day in a lot of ways. There was a party, and classes, and getting the kids ready for their own adventures.

Today, I'll be working all day and trying to relax and unwind from the party. I absolutely loved seeing all of my friends as we celebrated my husband's birthday, but it also made me quite exhausted. Always the problem with me and social gatherings. I'm not sure many understand how incredibly tired this sort of thing is for me and how it can set me back in energy levels for days. It's one of the reason I'm always so hesitant to make plans with people at random. Coupled with stress, it gets even more complicated.

That's introversion. Tests have shown than I'm about 95% more introverted than the rest of the planet. Tests have also shown that of people who are like me, I'm in the 20% who are able to function appropriately in regular society. Blend in.

I don't think a lot of people understand introversion, not even introverts. A lot of people don't realize they're introverted for example, or if they do, what that even means. I hear a lot of "I don't like people, so I'm introverted" and that's not accurate either. Introversion is not a hatred for people or socializing. It's socializing with a purpose, and it's understanding that for every piece of time spent socializing, that at least twice as long will need to be spent alone to recharge that energy expended during the socializing. When introverts don't socialize with a purpose, they get even more spent in energy. I'm sure I could make a crazy math equation for this some day.

So when I say I blend in, that means I'm not quite as awkward with small talk, and that I can keep my energy level up during the moment to at least appear "normal". Afterward? I'm a mess.

I do feel best when I can spend a good solid amount of time in my own world. No text messages, no phone calls, no in person interaction. Nothing. I'd turn off my internet if I didn't need it so badly to get work done. A good day of just that? Brings me back to nearly full energy and the more of my projects I get done, the more energy I have as well which means I feel more inclined to go out and spend the energy on time with others. That could also be an equation I think.

What does all of this have to do with writing?

I spent a lot of energy last night, so the dream is that I can replenish it by writing today. Do not be surprised if my numbers are huge. The hope is to NOT nap in my efforts to replenish. Because while napping might make my body feel better to a point, it won't rejuvenate my mind and that is the part that needs it the most.

I wrote 0 words yesterday.

Writing just didn't seem to want to happen. I think I ended up getting into my own head too much, and sometimes it's just hard to get out of there. It happens. I'm not worried about it unless it happens multiple days in a row.

The goal setter in me is frustrated by the lack of progression, and sometimes, it's harder to bounce back into everything if I didn't do anything for a day. Motivation has been hard in general, and that's just the nature of the beast. Sometimes, we can't wait to "feel" it, and I've always lived by that. If I waited until I was feeling anything good for me, I don't think I'd ever do it. I never feel like exercising or eating vegetables either. You know?

So today, I'm setting myself up for better success. The TV is off. I have everything I need nearby. Lunch is made. I should be able to focus well on working until my first break in two hours. My sleep schedule is slowly getting back on track and that helps greatly!

I wrote 1225 words.

Not much else to say today. I wrote and I'm happy I did. Yesterday was hard.

Today was harder.

Yesterday the count for the day was 4594 words.

Progress was steady and consistent. I stuck through it even if it felt hard. It usually does feel hard. Writers know that writing is hard. There are days when it's easy, but it's usually hard. The deeper you dive into the world of publishing, the harder it seems to get.

I don't write all of that to be a downer. I'm just being real. A lot of non-writer people think it's easy. So many times people on the outside talk about writing with a sense of awe mixed with this idea that it's not real work. They admire what the author does and are amazed by it, yet also think of the craft as a magical art form that poofs into existence with glitter. Like authors spend their days just lazing about waiting for the muse to strike rather an agonizing over every word that they put on the paper. I've had people call what I do a hobby, and not respect my need to have consistent work hours, and mixed with those comments are compliments about the work. Such beautiful writing, such beautiful descriptions, and so on. They come from hard work mixed with passion.

So to have a consistent day is a good day. I pushed through the desire to find ANYTHING else to do, and wrote. And I wrote a lot. Today, I will try to achieve at least that many words, but hopefully more.

Monday is a great day.