cloudsriser: (Default)
An Achlivan Cycle Kiss.

* * * * *





Chevelle didn’t believe me when I told her I was starting to fall for her. I’m sure in her mind, I was suffering from some kind of bizarre version of Stockholm Syndrome. There’s the off chance that she could have been right. At the same time, so much of our lives had changed. If I had been normal and not a celebrity, I’d have fallen for her on Earth. She had been famous, the same thing applies. This is just how we happened to meet, and neither of us has control over those circumstances. Shouldn’t what matter be that we met in the first place? Why doubt everything?

I couldn’t keep rocking the boat. She wasn’t ready, and I respected that. One good skill I’ve learned from my years in the public eye is how to act as though everything is fine, even when it’s far from it. Keyword there is act. I’m an actor, it’s what I do, and sometimes that leaked into my reality. I always tried to keep myself real with my family and friends. There are days where it’s easier to nod and smile than cause a fight for no reason. I like to think everyone does this kind of acting.

That’s the kind of acting I did with her for a few days after my messy emotional confession in the kitchen. I acted. Cool as a cucumber on the outside, while on the inside I was a tornado of feelings and over analyzing. Because I do that. I overanalyze things. I dissect and understand. Then I solve. When I can’t come up with a solution, I get frustrated.

How do I solve this particular problem anyway? The problem being her believing that I meant what I said: I care for her. I’m falling in love with her.

Yeah, I still had to deal with the Talia situation. Two days and counting. Not looking forward to it. The only people I actually wanted to see were my parents and my best friend, Nathan.

“Shouldn’t have kissed her,” I mumbled to myself. It’d be a million degrees less awkward if I hadn’t done that. What was I thinking? Of course Chevelle is going to be intimidated and conservative. Our version of dating is drastically different. In Hollywood, we grab the moments we have and take them to the fullest because who knows when we’re going to be pulled apart. Chevelle had never had a boyfriend, and I got the feeling she was looking for someone to love for life. And she wanted to go about that process slowly.

I can slow down now. There’s nothing saying I have to rush. And I do want to find that one love. Not like our life would be perfect, but it does get exhausting moving from one person to the next, hoping to cure the disease of loneliness. Being lonely does feel a lot like a terminal illness.

She entered the apartment, Lara at her side. They were talking about colors to dye their hair for the next community shebang. Chevelle’s dark eyes met mine briefly, she blushed, and then lowered her gaze as she sat on the couch. In her hands was a book. My favorite book.

“I pushed it through the approval line extra fast.” She hesitated, then kissed my cheek. “Because I do think of you too.”

“Thank you, that means a lot,” I said honestly. A small nugget of encouragement. Perhaps she did feel the same way after all. Slow and steady. Slow and steady.

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